CONSENT

Anal sex isn’t an obligation, a given or a last-minute idea to throw into the mix mid-sex. It’s crucial that before you have anal, that you talk to your partner and make certain you are both an enthusiastic “yes” to trying it.  Slipping in a penis, dildo, finger or plug, in a butt without asking permission, is not only a violation, but it’s a surefire way to injure your partner. In addition, making certain you two are on the same page about how you will go about it is part of the process and will go a long way in building trust and easing anxiety. So keep this in mind … without getting consent first, there’s no anal sex … period.

LUBE

It’s essential to understand that the anus does not self-lubricate like a vagina does, therefore adding lubrication is a must. Whether you choose to use a water-based lube (I like a gel. Gel is thicker and tends to stay where you put it), a silicone lube which isn’t absorbed by the skin so it’s the longest-lasting, or a hybrid lube, which is a mostly water-based personal lubricant with a small percentage of silicone  – you will always need lube. Without lubricant there will be too much friction and not enough slip, making anal sex of any kind, painful. No lubrication also leaves the anus open to tearing leaving you more susceptible to injury and infection including STIs. So, grab a bottle and plant it firmly on your nightstand.

RELAX

Making sure the receiver is as relaxed as possible, body, mind, and butthole, will make this freshman experience more enjoyable and help everything go more smoothly. Start by spending some time lightly massaging and stroking the butt, easing your hands in between the cheeks to eventually reach the anus. Think of this as its own sensual experience and not a means to an end. Once there, begin to gently massage the anus. Spend some time here with the goal just to make your partner feel good, relaxed, and perhaps turned on.

“PRO TIP: If your partner has a clit and likes it stimulated, rubbing it with your other hand as you enter their anus can make the whole experience that much more enjoyable and sometimes, easier.”

GO SLOW

Anal sex shouldn’t go as fast as you may think or have seen in porn. The anus needs to get relaxed and then used to something making its way into it. Start by using your lubed-up fingers and massage the outside of the anus. Always make certain your nails are short and filed smooth and wear a nitrile or latex glove for hygiene. 

As the anus gets more relaxed, ask your partner if they would like you to start entering the tip of your finger. If it’s a go, do it SLOWLY with no sudden movements. Once the tip of the finger has been entered successfully, ask your partner if they would like more of your finger. Whether the answer is yes or no, remember to go slow even when you’re pulling it out. As your partner gets more comfortable with the feeling, they may want to try more fingers before they graduate to a dildo or penis. Keep in mind – anal sex, whether it’s a finger, dildo, penis or plug should not hurt. If it hurts, stop what you’re doing and figure out why. Not enough lube? Going too fast? Not relaxed enough? Access the situation and talk to your partner about how they feel and if they might want to stop the exploration altogether, or try another time.

PATIENCE

Patience is a virtue, especially with anything anal. Getting an anus used to having something pushed inside it takes time – over a few days, to over a few weeks. It’s all up to the receiver. You may start with one finger one night, then when your partner is comfortable with more you may want to add another finger another night and so on until your partner feels they are ready for a penis, or dildo.

COMMUNICATE

Good communication means the difference between “I tried it once” and “I want to try it again.” Always ask your partner before you attempt anything on them, and while you’re doing it, check-in with them often. Make certain they are comfortable, that they want you to continue, and of course, that they are not in any pain. When you want to stop and pull out, go slowly. Communicate what you’re doing as you do it so your partner isn’t left in the dark. When and if your partner decides they like it enough to try a penis, dildo, or plug, all the same rules apply; consent, lube, relax, slow, communicate and I’m going to add SAFE. Please use a condom, especially with penises and porous toys of any kind.

These are just the very basics for booty sex. Should you want a more in-depth explanation and information about anal sex and butts, I encourage you to check out these two books: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women by Tristan Taormino and The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners by Charlie Glickman